i’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment, and it’s giving me knots in my stomach. you know the kind of anxiety that feels like a bowling ball or maybe a small animal rotting away in your stomach? unpleasant. i really need and want to find a job, but this pinched nerve thing is making it tricky. i feel like i wouldn’t exactly inspire confidence in perspective employers hobbling in to an interview, so really that kind of kills my own confidence in myself, and interviewers can smell anxiety on you like sharks can smell blood. on top of that, i’m waiting patiently for government money (which makes me feel kind of slimy) while may bank account slowly becomes more overdrawn. i think i’m ok there because everything has posted. i’m still like fifteen bucks in the red, and i’m sure citibank will soon take advantage of that.

i have a $225 bill due this saturday for the joke that passes as county healthcare. the advantage of this bill, though, is that if i pay it, i won’t owe the thousand plus dollars for the ct scans and bloodwork form when i had some kidney stone issues earlier this year. i’m having trouble seeing a way to make this payment. i guess i’ll have to borrow and then probably sell the amp i had waited so patiently and worked so hard to save for. ah, world. you win again.

i’m also planning on moving in with a good friend of mine next month, so i want to be in a position to make that a comfortable transition. the guy i’m moving in with is a cool, sort of laid back, down to earth philosopher/theologian and musician who for the most part appreciates good music (he didn’t really dig yes, but i guess like most of the finer things in life, they’re an acquired taste). i’m really looking forward to it, and i certainly don’t want to let him down. i can’t let myself be a slave to imperfect circumstances, though; just got to make it happen.

the cherry on top of this bitter sundae would be my broken phone. for the past couple of weeks, at&t’s service has been as appalling as the quality of public health care. it’s almost impossible to have a conversation on the phone and the call almost inevitably drops. it’s very odd because i’ve never had a problem with them until now, and fixing it doesn’t seem to be much of a priority for them. i was on hold for about forty-five minutes on a very important call, was finally connected and in the process of speaking with the man on the other end, dropped the call. in a fit of pain induced passion, i somehow managed to put my phone to the wall and watched it explode in a sweet, cathartic release. i pieced it back together, and while it still works, the display is shattered. it doesn’t really matter too much; it’s still about as functional as at&t’s miserable service.

so i know sound like i’m wallowing in self pity, and i guess i am letting my circumstances get the best of me at the moment. i’m confident that these issues will resolve, it’s just a matter of weathering the storm, to invoke a cliche. and there are positives; namely i do have a lot of great people around me that are more than willing to help me out, and for that i am eternally thankful. and i know that there’s the one or two people that will take the time to read this, and that makes me feel better, too.