low cut jeans and sun through a basement window
knit wool dusters
headaches and hand rubs 
the taste of strawberries
	and clean teeth
something new in a small town

i said your name wrong

wet and awkward
wooden music filling concrete rooms
soft blue LEDs
	on the sheets pushed aside
our heads full of future
our bodies new and firm
our skin still smooth
	every part perfect

we watched lives gain momentum
	we saw them fade on the horizon

our eyes full of computer screens
our bodies covered with art
electricity to pass the time
	to make our work easier
		to give us more time to pass
humming with anxiety
	hands wet
long sober from the chemicals of our lust
feeling ugly
bad habits we started
	bad habits we quit
control our urges
	attempt to postpone self-destruction
remembering how happy we were
	forgetting how miserable it really was

we guard against the disappointment
	of the world in our heads
we say shit and fuck and ass
we spit on the sidewalk and smoke cigarettes
socialize in bars
	waiting
meeting too many new people

we wonder how we moved on
	from things we used to care so much about
dreaming of conquests
	wanting every love to be the one
		every time to be the first

This was a gift to me from one of the greatest poets i have ever known. it is her insight into my life at the time (early 2006)

*non conformist lullaby*

never apologize for the state of social anxiety
that led you to this place
accept our ineptitude for recognition
a child prodigy is an illusionary threat

we never promised understanding in the classroom
equating human minds with monkeys
replacing personage with fortunate chemical explosions

prescribed alterations will be your mistress
absorbing like cheap wine and empty capsules
depression is the new old “it”

conviently fatalistic